It's only been about eight hours since I launched my blog. And the question I am being asked most is "why?" Why put yourself out there? Why share such personal details? (My poor Mom! She should be so proud!) I'm sure no one was waiting to hear what kind of bodily function mishaps I've been having!
I thought about this a lot before I decided to write. I could stay away from the the subject all together. I could write, but be much more vague and general. Or I could tell the truth in more detail. I chose option three, because out there are others who are suffering much more than I am. And they are alone, feeling sucked into the black hole and wondering if anyone else can really relate to what they live with. I'm here to tell you that, yup! Been there, done that! You have nothing to be embarrassed about, because I have already done it! And really, what more fitting place than Wal-Mart? Bet you won't see that on peopleofwalmart.com!
Sunday I got up my courage and went to church. I shuffled through my meetings, hiding out in the back. Finally, at the end of the meetings, a lovely woman came up to me and said "I just have to ask! What kind of terrible surgery are you recovering from?" My first reaction was "It was a boob job, can't you tell?" I paused, fumbled around a little, and told her the truth. It stunk, actually. It was not cathartic--at least not at that moment. I would rather have had the surgery. I certainly am not a great person and not much of an angel. I'm pretty sure angels don't talk to themselves about how stupid the whole thing is laced with a few swear words to fill in the pauses. I'm working on that. But its down the list. And I'm darn sure angels are less of a whiner than I am. I hear stories all the time about this wonderful person who had a horrible disease and never complained once and had a smile on their face the whole time--right up until the day they died. I'm here to tell you, that's not me. I'm whining and mouthing off all the way, but at least those who are there to hear it know I am without a doubt fighting back. And who are these saints anyway? I don't believe it. Just sayin'. Maybe. But I'm betting they got ticked off about it, too. Perhaps they don't show it in quite the same way I do and have thereby earned their Sainthood.
So I'm going to tell the truth and hope that others will find that someone else knows what its really like. Already I have heard from people whose lives or lives of those they know have been affected by an autoimmune disease. I hope they come. Certainly they are going to feel much better about themselves after they read! And hopefully they will feel someone out there cares about them. Because I do. After all, why else would I share the reason I shop only at Target now?
I thought about this a lot before I decided to write. I could stay away from the the subject all together. I could write, but be much more vague and general. Or I could tell the truth in more detail. I chose option three, because out there are others who are suffering much more than I am. And they are alone, feeling sucked into the black hole and wondering if anyone else can really relate to what they live with. I'm here to tell you that, yup! Been there, done that! You have nothing to be embarrassed about, because I have already done it! And really, what more fitting place than Wal-Mart? Bet you won't see that on peopleofwalmart.com!
Sunday I got up my courage and went to church. I shuffled through my meetings, hiding out in the back. Finally, at the end of the meetings, a lovely woman came up to me and said "I just have to ask! What kind of terrible surgery are you recovering from?" My first reaction was "It was a boob job, can't you tell?" I paused, fumbled around a little, and told her the truth. It stunk, actually. It was not cathartic--at least not at that moment. I would rather have had the surgery. I certainly am not a great person and not much of an angel. I'm pretty sure angels don't talk to themselves about how stupid the whole thing is laced with a few swear words to fill in the pauses. I'm working on that. But its down the list. And I'm darn sure angels are less of a whiner than I am. I hear stories all the time about this wonderful person who had a horrible disease and never complained once and had a smile on their face the whole time--right up until the day they died. I'm here to tell you, that's not me. I'm whining and mouthing off all the way, but at least those who are there to hear it know I am without a doubt fighting back. And who are these saints anyway? I don't believe it. Just sayin'. Maybe. But I'm betting they got ticked off about it, too. Perhaps they don't show it in quite the same way I do and have thereby earned their Sainthood.
So I'm going to tell the truth and hope that others will find that someone else knows what its really like. Already I have heard from people whose lives or lives of those they know have been affected by an autoimmune disease. I hope they come. Certainly they are going to feel much better about themselves after they read! And hopefully they will feel someone out there cares about them. Because I do. After all, why else would I share the reason I shop only at Target now?
I should point out that I said I've found blogging to be cathartic...doing it in person, explaining to someone that you have a chronic health problem, when most of the time they can look at you and question the validity to your story, well...that takes some getting used to. I understand you're not doing well right now and it may be noticeable, sadly not everyone is understanding, or use tact... I'm at the library right now and almost laughed out loud at your boob job comment! I'm glad you're able to keep your sense of humor! Explaining why we're sick so often, why we look tired or run down, or how we can possibly have to go to the pharmacy anywhere from 2-6 times a month is sadly unavoidable. I just have to keep reminding myself that they're asking because they care(most people anyway) and just smile and explain. It gets to be routine. Which is another sad reality to our whole experience. I hope you start to feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I get it...... :D
ReplyDelete